From one daily blogging challenge to the next one: I saw Shauna mention #reverb10 (“reflect on this year & manifest what’s next”, inspired by daily prompts) and thought it might be something I’d enjoy doing. I like end-of-the-year roundups, I like the idea of being more mindful about things (yes, the idea of it; I’m a bit rubbish when it comes to putting this idea into practice), and a part of me takes masochistic pleasure in the pressure to produce something every day.
And so I find myself sitting here on the first day of December with the first cup of tea from my Advent calendar of 24 teabags, laptop on my lap (I like the warmth in winter) and the first prompt running in circles around my two brain cells. 2010 in one word? This is not going to be easy. One more sip before I begin.
Will I/won’t I? The allsorts of applications. Doubtful decisions. Much waiting and wondering.
It’s been a year of not knowing what to do next, what I want to do next or even where I am now. There has been, and continues to be, a great deal of uncertainty. Ambiguity. Loose ends and lost beginnings. Real worries about insufficient income and mild but nagging health concerns. Never-ending negotiations.
I saw the film Up in the Air in the summer. If I could have chosen four words to describe this year instead of one, those would have been the ones: up in the air. Watching from a distance as the world bustles below like an anthill. Sitting on emptiness, my legs dangling, feeling a little breathless in the thin air.
And what then? Jump? I can’t quite spot a target. Not sure what I’m looking for, actually, or that I want to find it – after all, as long as I’m not making choices I’m not making any bad ones, either.
Nevertheless, a year from now, I hope to have found a patch of solid ground. Somewhere to return between floating, as it were, somewhere to lay a root or two, something to build on. At the same time, I hope to be more adventurous – to just jump, to see where I land and not worry too much about it beforehand. Probably the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
Should my word for 2011 be foundation? Or exploration? Perhaps both, which is why I’ve chosen a third one. Let 2011 be the year of participation rather than floating above.