After long hours spent in my pyjamas pondering the nature of unemployment* I thought I’d risk the brisk wind and bike to the shop (nowhere to go, really, being unemployed and all, but at least we all need – and I can still afford to buy – toilet paper). And so I did, bravely, wobble my way to The Shop Far Away. I dismounted, removed my helmet, walked in, realised I had no money, paper or plastic, with me. Just hadn’t occurred to me. Helmet back on, rode back home, found purse, put it in my bag, rode back to the shop the long way (trying to avoid tedium), successfully purchased toilet paper, marjoram and pears, rode back home again.
I didn’t mind. It wasn’t raining, I got some exercise, I wasn’t going to do anything useful anyway. I do, however, seem to find myself in similar situations more and more often. Daydreaming, drifting, simply ignoring or forgetting things that are supposed to be routine. It’s a funny sort of feeling when you quite suddenly remember, perfectly clearly, that you’ve missed a step in your day, a step that’s supposed to be automatic. Sometimes it doesn’t happen until someone else intervenes (e.g. the cashier asks for money you haven’t got) but the weirdest moments are the ones when, like today, all of a sudden you just know.
It’s a little disconcerting. I’m a meek enough sort of person not to mind too much (no banging of fists to the wall) but I can see how this sort of thing happening a lot could make one angry and frustrated. Fingers crossed for no significant memory loss in old age. Or has it begun already?
Next time (maybe): what’s life all about?
*It’s rather interesting how life can be lived in the negative, defined by what it is not – productive, social, busy, etc. I’m wondering whether this is a rather fundamental, unhappy-making flaw in how we see ourselves and others, this need to fit into boxes. Or cubicles, as the case may be.